so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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