Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
