You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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