He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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