Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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