Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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