btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
birth control should be required to get into college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
