Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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