I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
there is puke in my bra ... again
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