Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
