Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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