Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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