That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.