why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?