Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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