Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned

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  (810): I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned http://tfl.nu/gdtw
  Replies (2) Good night (1216) Bad night (564)
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  (925): View more from California

  never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.

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  (925): never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont. http://tfl.nu/mow4
  Replies (52) Good night (621) Bad night (4090)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7800) Bad night (889)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.

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  (708): So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive. http://tfl.nu/w5b0
  Replies (22) Good night (3253) Bad night (5807)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor

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  (416): ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor http://tfl.nu/rb71
  Replies (5) Good night (2074) Bad night (1043)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday

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  (813): I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday http://tfl.nu/whui
  Replies (4) Good night (2279) Bad night (865)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D

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  (902): This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D http://tfl.nu/3txw
  Replies (15) Good night (2475) Bad night (990)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.

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  (336): But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob. http://tfl.nu/czfm
  Replies (10) Good night (2035) Bad night (647)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.

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  (207): I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud. http://tfl.nu/5qge
  Replies (3) Good night (893) Bad night (340)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??

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  (505): Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again?? http://tfl.nu/9q8l
  Replies (2) Good night (1126) Bad night (275)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?

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  (732): You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean? http://tfl.nu/m097
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (301)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.

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  (774): I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time. http://tfl.nu/evoy
  Replies (2) Good night (725) Bad night (228)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like

  (972): View more from Texas

  Why do you text me weird shit like this?

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  (214): True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like (972): Why do you text me weird shit like this? http://tfl.nu/hcc5
  Replies (5) Good night (1099) Bad night (389)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm coming right back.

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  (601): Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell? (1-601): I'm coming right back. http://tfl.nu/the6
  Replies (3) Good night (778) Bad night (264)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.

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  (252): I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/0a74
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (269)

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