His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war