Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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