I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
