i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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