I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
