I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
