You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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