I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
