New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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