My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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