I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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