turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
