Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
