how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
