ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
