just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
