sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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