I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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