wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
