Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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