I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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