I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
