I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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