The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
