i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
