you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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