Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
