I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
