To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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