Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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