The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
