Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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