but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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