I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my phone needs a breathalizer
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she peed on how many people?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
