when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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