so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
