just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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