Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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