Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
