Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
