dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
