He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's get the cat blown out
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
