i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
