She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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