we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
