I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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