She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
