if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
