You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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