so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
