things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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