I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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