I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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