I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
