afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
