i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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